An inside look at the lives of local people living with mental illness

The following account is one in a series of stories about local people living with mental illness. It is quoted in part from “Voices of Hope, Conversations with Helen L Shore.” The book was commissioned by Employment Options, Inc., of Marl borough. To obtain a copy of the book, call 508-485-5051.

“I started having problems in high school. I saw the school therapist for awhile, but I didn’t know what was going on. I was having a real hard time keeping friends, and then in my last year I picked up marijuana.”

In college, “I got sick, mentally ill. I was 21. I got angry every day, smashed everything in sight. Again, I lost a lot of friends. Every time I get sick I get delusional. I think people are talking about me, and I think they are answering my thoughts. I will think something, and then somebody will answer it. Not directly talk to me about it--just talk to somebody, so I get the message kind of second hand.”

Not all relationships are easy for Heidi*. Still a young woman, pretty and slim, she caused quite a stir when she first arrived at the Employment Option Clubhouse in her early twenties.

“When I first came here, every one tried to be my boyfriend; they all wanted to be my boyfriend. But I told them I’m sick, I don’t have time for boyfriends. I’ve gone through about eight boyfriends in the past five years. I wish I could keep friends. Though I have a best friend now, and she’s wonderful. But I want more. I would like to get married someday, I’d like to have children. But it’s not going to happen, because I can’t go off my medication to have a child. It just makes me feel so angry, because I really want a child. But I’ve gained things too. I’m more confident about myself than I’ve ever been, and I’m beginning to get an inner sense of well-being.”

Heidi mostly visits Options in the mornings, before going to her regular job. “I’ve been at Options for about 15 years now. The staff has been the best thing about Options. They really care, and they go out of their way to be useful. But I hate it when people leave, when staff leave. I hate it. But I don’t get upset, I bottle it inside.”

*Heidi is a fictitious name

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